Let's start the #IStandWithJeff movement. @senderblock23
This tweet made me laugh out loud in front of my mom, and when she asked me what I was laughing at I didn't know how to respond. @eyeswidebutt
I'll never be able to un-hear this. @PFTCommenter
But what were the chances Jesus had an egg as his avatar? @ironghazi
I wonder what the ring looks like. @beccaandthebox
Ghosts need chains because..because..okay, this guy brings up a pretty good point. @boring_as_heck
I like to picture this sign saying this sternly and me hissing "never" back at him. @prstskrzkrk
Sure, vaping is considered more healthy than smoking, but at what cost? @danmentos
The Last Supper was technically on a Thursday, but I'll let it slide because this tweet is laugh out loud funny. @david8hughes
Kicking off NARP Chronicles TBT series with one of the key moments of my formative years. Hard to believe that this moment was eight years ago. So much about this team has changed: the Phillies have gone from the class of the MLB to the worst team in the league, and now they're working on slowly turning it around.
RIP Harry Kalas. HK's passing was truly the first time I realized that you don't know what you've got till it's gone, and eight years later I sit here still having to listen to Tom McCarthy misspeak about something different every inning.
I like this deal. Schenn is coming off the best year of his NHL career, with 20 goals and 33 assists playing on the same line as Claude Giroux and Wayne Simmonds. The deal is worth $20.5 million over the four years for a $5.125 million AAV. I read somewhere that the Flyers wanted to give him $4.5 million AAV, but I'm happy that the team is giving him a little bit of extra cash to avoid arbitration and keep the talent happy.
Something that I forgot about until this deal was announced was how young Brayden Schenn is. He's only 24! After seeing that I decided to look up the ages of all of the Flyers. Just look at all the talent this team has aged 26 and under:
-Jakub Voracek (26)
-Radko Gudas (26)
-Michael Del Zotto (26)
-Brayden Schenn (24)
-Nick Cousins (23)
-Sean Couturier (23)
-Shayne Gostisbehere (23)
-Scott Laughton (22)
And don't forget about Ivan Provorov, Sam Morin, Travis Sanheim, and Travis Konecny coming along nicely in the minors.
Basically what I'm saying is the Flyers will run the NHL by the end of the decade.
I'm taking a 6-week stat course this summer to make up for a class that I dropped during the spring semester of last year. I'm now realizing how foolish I was to not just stick it out with the stat course up at Scranton, because this shit is the WORST. Anyway, I have a test tomorrow in said stat course. Rather than studying, I'm being dumb and procrastinating, thinking about how much I hate this class. I came up with a list about as long as my arm of things I enjoy more than my summer statistics course. Enjoy:
-Poking yourself in the eardrum with a Q-tip. I Q-tip after every single shower I take. If you're a frequent Q-tipper like I am, you know that eargasm feeling you get when you put the q-tip in just the right spot in your ear...and then your hand moves slightly and it feels like Ant-man snuck into your ear canal and kicked you as hard as he could.
-When your younger cousin/niece/nephew asks if you have any games that they can play on your phone. There are a lot of kids age 10 and younger in my extended family, so naturally if I check my phone at a family function they'll often ask me if I have any games on my phone that they can play. It's at this point that I go with one of two lies: "My phone's battery is too low, sorry!" or "I don't have any games, just social media." I know I'm lying to the kids, they know I'm lying to them, it's just an all-around terrible situation and I hate it.
-Stubbing your toe. I stub my toe way too much for a 20 year old who has lived in the same house since I was three. It really seems like every time I walk around my house without shoes on, there's a coffee table or kitchen chair that jumps out and tries to assassinate my pinky toe.
-Farting out loud when you thought it was going to be silent. I am what some may consider to be a flatulent fellow. Typically, I'm pretty open about my farting habits, especially if it's just me and a couple other guys around. At this point, I always know about 99% of the time whether a fart is going to be silent or out loud. However, that 1% seems to always strike at the worst time possible. Perfect example: a few weekends ago, my friends and I were up in Scranton for Midsummers (I'll explain Midsummers in another blog another day). My apartment was hosting a keg, and we invited a few friends over to hang out. I felt some gas coming, so I stepped aside on our balcony where a few people were standing and talking, and got ready to silently let loose. Instead, a fart with a very distinctive noise came out. In my head, I heard a record scratch and a bunch of people started staring at me. I made a lame joke about how there must be a duck flying around or something and bolted back inside.
-The state of New Jersey. I have friends from New Jersey that are great people, but let's call a spade a spade here. New Jersey SUCKS. I'll go to my grave telling people that New Jersey is the armpit of America. Jersey is the ultimate little brother state: the northern part of the state has to cling to New York, the southern part claims to be part of Philadelphia, and no one, and I mean NO ONE, acknowledges central Jersey. Thanks for the Shore and Bruce Springsteen, the rest of you can go.
-Squirrels. I despise squirrels. I know girls who see them and go all gaga over them, and they could not be any more wrong. Squirrels are rats with fluffy tails. They rummage through trash, they piss EVERYWHERE, and earlier this summer one of them clawed through a screen window in my house to try to get to my dog's food. The only squirrel I've ever liked has been the one that pushed this other squirrel out of a tree.
As you can read above, there are so many things that I hate. I had a note in my phone with like 15 other things, but I decided to try and keep this a little shorter so as not to drive you insane. Despite all of the hate I have in my heart, nothing takes the crown like this GD summer class. I feel like I belong in Chapelle's Show:
Bieber, you beautiful bastard you! Just when I thought the Biebs didn't have another absolute HEATER in him, he goes ahead and drops Cold Water:
I had work at 9:00 this morning, so I told myself I would be asleep by 12:15 so that I could easily get my 8 hours of beauty sleep in. Bieber released the song at midnight last night. I didn't end up falling asleep until 1:30 because I kept on listening to Cold Water on a loop until I physically could not keep my eyes open any longer. BIEBER IS THE KING!!
This song is the latest in the Bieber Renaissance. He started out like any other tween sensation: he put out a few hit singles at a young age, and naturally, I was too cool to act like I enjoyed it because I was the world's toughest seventh grader. He kept putting out a few more, and I still made the conscious decision to dislike any and all of his music. "He's gonna burn out eventually, just like anyone else," I thought to myself. Then came the Believe album, where I quietly found myself enjoying "As Long As You Love Me" and "Beauty and a Beat."
The Bieber straw that broke this stubborn camel's back was last summer's blockbuster hit, "Where Are Ü Now." After that, he continued releasing singles from his album "Purpose," which was my go-to music for any mood I was in during the later part of the Fall 2015 semester. After "Purpose" though, I thought it would take a while for Bieber to reach the same high bar he set for himself. "Cold Water" proved otherwise, and in this case, I'm happy to be proven wrong.
N.A.R.P. (Non Athletic Regular Person) at the University of Scranton.