Hiding the precious metal up his bum.
The case against Leston Lawrence, 35, of Barrhaven concluded in an Ottawa courtroom Tuesday. Justice Peter Doody reserved decision until Nov. 9 on a number of smuggling-for-cash charges, including theft, laundering the proceeds of crime, possession of stolen property and breach of trust.
The Uck! factor aside, the case was also an illuminating look at security measures inside the Mint, the building on Sussex Drive that produces hundreds of millions of gold coins annually for the federal Crown corporation.
“Appalling,” was the conclusion of defence lawyer Gary Barnes, who described the Crown’s case as an underwhelming collection of circumstantial evidence.
The bad news for this guy: he's going to end up to jail for being a terrible smuggler and betraying his country. I'm not going to lie, that sounds pretty terrible.
The good news for this guy: he's used to holding stuff in his butt, so he's going to THRIVE in the clink. He's going to be everyone's favorite fellow inmate. You need someone to get you cigarettes? Get 'em from Leston. You need someone to sneak chunks of your wall out from your cell, Shawshank Redemption style? Give the chunks to Leston, he'll sneak them out in his butthole! Need someone to be your prison bitch? Turn to Leston, he's got a welcoming opening where the sun don't shine!
Okay, I could be exaggerating a bit. How much gold is $180,000 worth? I really have no point of reference for how much money any amount of gold is worth. I always see commercials about how the value of gold is skyrocketing, but that seems like a load of crap coming from someone who's trying to swindle me out of my money. Is, like, a golf ball sized chunk of gold worth $180,000? I feel like that's the limit for how far a butthole can stretch without tearing any muscles or tissues or anything. To all my gold expert readers out there, can you guys let me know how much gold $180,000 is? Thanks.