Carson Koller — a senior at Farragut High School in Knoxville, Eagle Scout and the captain of the band's drum line — received a one-day suspension Monday for theft of property after he took six chicken nuggets from the lunch line instead of the usual five.
"How is it theft if he paid for it?" Koller's mother, Carrie Koller Waller, wrote in a Facebook post. "It's food. FOOD!!! Not weapons. Not drugs. Not alcohol. Not cheating on a test. ... I am shaking my head over this and not sure what to do. Laugh, punish, argue, dress him up as a nugget bandit, or let it go."
There isn't really much to say about this story. I guess I could understand the suspension if it was a whole chicken finger, but a suspension for a nugget seems excessive. Anyway, the principal of the school ended up having this kid's suspension rescinded, which was a nice little twist because usually with these ridiculous stories you see the authority figure stick to their guns for no real reason. Really, I decided to write about it for two reasons: one, that headline is ridiculous. How could I not at least acknowledge a kid getting suspended from school for not paying for a single chicken nugget? And two, to give my official Mount Rushmore of chicken nuggets from fast food restaurants:
George Washington: McDonalds' McNuggets. The standard-bearer for all chicken nuggets, the OG, and the most famous.
Abraham Lincoln: Chic-Fil-A nuggets. There's a Chic-Fil-A on campus at Scranton, and it keeps the house that is me from dividing against itself.
Teddy Roosevelt: Wendy's spicy chicken nuggets. They're the new guys on the block, the young hotshot compared to the other guys, and they might be my personal favorite of the group.
Thomas Jefferson: Burger King nuggets. I really only included them because I needed a fourth. Burger King just doesn't do it for me like the other guys do.