About 7:30 p.m. on Sunday, Sept. 25, police responded to a house in the 1400 block of Green Avenue for a report of a nude man outside with a shovel. The woman who called police told them the man was in her backyard and had been hitting her house with the shovel, court records show.
Police saw the man, identified as Scott W. Lange, in the yard. He had cuts on his body, was bleeding from numerous spots, and appeared to be under the influence of a drug, court records show. Lange refused to drop his shovel and attempted to enter his own nearby home, prompting police to stun him with a Taser.
Officers were unable to get the shovel from Lange's hands. Lange then crawled into his house and slammed the door behind him, court records show.
Officers kicked open the door and Lange threw a metal chair and the shovel at them, the shovel hitting one of the officers in the chest and knocking her off her feet, court records show. Lange then crawled into an empty refrigerator and kept tossing whatever items he could find at the officers, court records show.
Lange eventually grabbed two wooden TV tables and used them as shields against officers' Tasers, court records show.
Police eventually wrestled the tables away from Lange and stunned him again, causing him to fall out of the fridge, court records show. While he was on the ground, he attempted to eat shards of broken glass. The officers were able to hoist him up and take him outside, where he was attended by medical personnel and taken to McLaren Bay Region hospital.
He told police he was embarrassed, thought he was dreaming, and didn't know where he was, court records show.
In all, Lange had four Taser barbs removed from him. He also had a shard of glass in his upper left thigh.
Scott Lange is damn near indestructible. High as a kite on something (bath salts maybe? I don't know man), bleeding from numerous spots, getting tasered multiple times, and still fighting. I must say, this man is crafty as hell with his defense methods. After fighting off a taser (!!!), he crawled into his house and threw a shovel at a cop hard enough to knock her off of her feet. I'm picturing Brick Tamland from Anchorman throwing the trident into a guy's chest:
After that, he went full on Indiana Jones and jumped into the fridge for protection. When the article says he "crawled into an empty refrigerator and kept tossing whatever items he could find at the officers," what do you think he was throwing? Was the refrigerator completely empty? Was there some stuff in there, but enough room to fit him? Was it full before he started throwing things, but then he emptied it out to get inside? Another important factor to consider is the kind of stuff was he throwing at the cops. Was it dangerous stuff, like steak knives and shit, or was it just regular ass groceries like apples and butter? These are all important questions to ask. It's like a choose your own adventure book that you used to read in grade school, except instead of a Goosebumps book where you worked your way through a haunted house, you get to imagine a naked guy on drugs assaulting multiple police officers.
In the end, it turns out that wooden TV tables were unable to withstand the multiple tasers being shot at our old friend Scott. All of the most famous criminals of all time got caught eventually: Bonnie and Clyde, Al Capone, Billy the Kid, the list goes on and on. We can now add Scott Lange to those legendary ranks. Thank you, Scott, for being the voice of all of the little people who want to get high on some hallucinogens and bang shit with a shovel. I hope bail isn't set too high for you.