A few weeks ago, I had to do a project for one of my classes that involved me analyzing a print ad for Bush's black beans. Naturally, the more I looked into and talked about this ad for beans, the more I thought about the above tweet. There's so much going on, and I want to look at every piece of it.
First off, I need to know more about these beans. Is this guy eating them straight out of the can? Did he put them in some sort of tupperware container? What's the temperature of the beans? I hope this guy isn't eating room temperature beans, but then that would mean he took the time to heat the beans up at home either on his stove or in his microwave, sped to the movie theater, bought a ticket (while masking the scent of the beans), and sat in the movie theater eating the beans until the unfortunate spill. Do you think he brought his own fork? Do movie theaters have complimentary plastic forks? I would think that he brought his own fork, seeing as snacks sold at movie theaters are usually finger foods (candy, popcorn, nachos, etc.)
Next, I need to focus on the height of the action. The image in my head of this guy sitting in a movie theater with a lap full of beans, with a black teenager turning, noticing, and yelling "This n**** eating beans!" is truly one of the funniest things I've ever pictured. Do you have any idea how loud teenagers are, especially when they know they have something hilarious to say? This kid probably yelled it louder than a showing of Dunkirk in an IMAX theater. And what's your move after a teenage stranger blows up your spot and you're sitting in a movie theater with beans all over yourself? You have to leave right? Seems like a waste of the $12 you spent to go see Cars 2, no? I suppose at that point, most people would leave, but if you're the type of guy who's willing to tweet about spilling beans in your lap, I feel like you're also the type to clean yourself up with a few of those weak-ass movie theater napkins and watch the rest of the children's movie.
Speaking of which, the fact that this guy was watching Cars 2 while eating beans in the theater is the cherry on top of this 140-character-or-less masterpiece. Not only is this guy alone at the movies...not only is he eating beans while alone at the movies...not only did he spill said beans all over himself while alone at the movies...the movie he was seeing was Cars 2. Cars 2, the animated children's movie starring Owen Wilson. I would say that this tweet was too perfect and that this guy made the whole thing up...but A.) this is way too absurd for it to be fictional and B.) why would this guy make up a whole elaborate story just to embarrass himself online?
In short, thank you for having strange tastes in movie theater snacks, @alaskancarl1. You've provided me with several good laughs and some good blog fodder.